12 Ways to Build Confidence and Live a Joyful Life
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabuous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson
The quote above from Marianne Williamson is one of my favorite quotes and it is true of all of us. We are adequate and powerful and brilliant and wonderful just because we were born. Some days, we are able to go out and feel as if we could conquer the world, but other days (or months), our confidence has been shaken for one reason or the other. It’s on those days, that reading the quote and knowing deep inside that it’s true, isn’t quite enough, we need practical ways to talk ourselves off the cliff, so to speak. Most successful people credit their sense of self and their confidence to their success. But not many people really explain how to build confidence, or how to become confident. Confidence is built on inherently knowing your worth and making choices that feed your passion, the accomplishments that follow make you feel happy and proud of who you are. Discovering these things is one of the most worthwhile things you will ever do.
Most of us have a vision of what we want our lives to look like, but we hold ourselves back by allowing the opinions of others, and/or a low self confidence get in the way. We do the same things over and over again without changing because of a fear of what others may think or because we truly believe that failure is a possibility. Failure is a total possibility, but success is also and sometimes you just have to get back up and start again. Getting back up after failing is so much better than never having tried.
Confident people love themselves, but for some reason one of the most difficult tasks for any of us is learning how to practice self love. Having confidence in yourself is key to living a joyful life. Society would have us believe that self confidence is something that comes from the approval of others. However, looking for validation from others will keep you stuck, trying to please in the hopes that you will one day feel like you’re enough, or you’ve done enough. That day will never come because f you don’t trust and love yourself, you will find other people and things to place your trust in, and you’ll slowly give away your power.
TRUE HAPPINESS LIES IN THE REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Your confidence comes from the thoughts you have about yourself and it plays a role in almost everything you do. Having confidence helps you make positive choices in your every day life and gives you the courage to be your own person, have good relationships and deal with difficult situations. Accept who you because your own acceptance is the only acceptance you will ever need. What other people think of you is none of your business and doesn’t matter. Recognize your genius and be proud to share it. Here are my thoughts on how to find confidence on the days when it’s not so easy.
Let Go of Limiting Beliefs - You must believe in yourself and your vision. Let go of anything that isn’t serving you…including self doubt, fear and the people that don’t support you. Replace those negative thoughts with more positive thoughts which celebrate things you’re good at. Try making a list of three things you do well and remember this list when you start feeling down, this will stop you from feeling sorry for yourself and repeating old patterns. Create a different perspective by looking at hard situations from different angles. Look at a situation through a more realistic lens and you’ll realize that you actually can begin to do what you want. By doing this every time you have a negative thought, you’ll eventually train yourself to be positive. This is inner work that must be done! Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are unique, special and valuable and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. You are, after all, as Marianne Williamson said a “child of God”, so challenge any negative thoughts about yourself and turn them around.
2. Take Care of Yourself - Eating well and exercising make you feel good and stimulates a positive mood. When you exercise, you ease stress and feel better about yourself. Exercise benefits your health in general but it also helps memory retention, improves focus, helps manage stress and prevents depression. Regular exercise can improve every aspect of your life. So stay active and make time to take care of yourself.
3. Take Time to Relax - Stress plays a huge role in negative self esteem. Reduce your stress by taking time out to do something you find relaxing. This can be anything from taking a bath, listening to beautiful music, meditating or taking a walk in nature…if it works for you, do it! Do More of What Makes You Happy! Whatever it is you love, create space for it in your life.
4. Set Goals and Get Things Done - Take the time every day to think about what you’d like to achieve. Then set realistic goals each day and keep track of your progress by writing down what you’ve accomplished. Some days it might be as simple as finishing your work or cleaning up. You’ll feel an enormous sense of accomplishment when you’ve crossed off everything on your list for the day. However, don’t get bogged down by the list; some days you won’t manage to get it all done and thats fine. Confidence is built on accomplishment, so set a goal for yourself, and get going!
5. Surround Yourself With People Who Make You Feel Good - Spend your time with people who appreciate and care about you. Distance yourself from people who make you feel bad about yourself. When you start being unapologetic about making your vision for life the most important thing, the people who aren’t supportive will usually either change their mind or they’ll go away because your energy is just too positive for them. Either way, it’s ok.
6. Be Mindful of Your Progress - The best way to reach your goals, big or small, is break them into smaller goals and to monitor your progress. Whether you’re trying to start a business, change careers, eat healthier or lose 10 pounds, the best way to know if you’re making progress is to monitor it. You’ll build confidence as you see the progress you’re making every day.
7. Do the Next Right Thing - Most confident people live by a value system and make their decisions based on that value system. Your actions and your decisions define your character. Ask yourself, what is the next right action. What would the best version of yourself do, and then do it. Even when it’s really hard and its the last thing you want to do, in the long run you’re going to like yourself more and be prouder of who you are.
8. Be Fearless - Failing sometimes is inevitable but it’s the fear of failure that’s crippling. If you set big goals and have big dreams, you’re going to feel overwhelmed, and at times, you’re going to get tired or have a bad day and you’re inevitably going to feel like you can’t go on. In those moments you have to look inside yourself, gather your courage just keep going. One small step at a time. Every successful person has been afraid, and they’ve kept working and taking risks anyway, because what they are trying to accomplish is more important than their fear of failure. Think about what you want for your life, then put your fear aside and keep going, one day at a time.
9. Don’t let anyone, ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. You deserve everything you want!
10. Follow Through - You will respect yourself if you say you’re going to do something and you do it, and believing in yourself will come more easily, because you know you are not afraid to do the work. Action gives meaning to your words, and it will help you to accomplish your goals, strengthen your relationships and feel proud of who you are.
11. Plan For the Long Term - Decisions made for the short term can keep your long term goals from being realized. If you’re trying to save money, you can’t go out to eat as much. If you’re trying to lose weight, you can eat french fries as often (you get the picture). Big goals require small daily sacrifices, you must be disciplined. “Discipline is the gap between goals and accomplishment”. Remember the quote from Oprah Winfrey - “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” Doing the best you can in this moment makes the moments to come better!
12. Don’t Care What Others Think - This goes along with surrounding yourself with supportive people. There are going to be so many people who will tell you that you cannot accomplish your goal, tell you that your goal is too big, or that you’re not ready, or that it can’t be done, or that it’s never been done. You absolutely must never listen to them. People change the world every day, despite everyone around them telling them it can’t be done. If you think you can do it, you can do it. Believe in Yourself and Shine Bright!
Figure out what works for you so that you can find the confidence you need in order to have what you want. You and only you are responsible for creating the life you want to live. Get out there and make it happen!