The Roles We Play Don't Have to Define Us
Don’t settle for nice, for pleasant, for familiar, keep looking until you find something that really moves you, that resonates with your core. And I mean this for people, for interests, for hobbies, for your possessions, clothes, music, books, art. Everything. Curate every aspect of your life, as much as you can. It’s in the things that deeply inspire us that we find ourselves. Surround yourself with truth and you’ll have built yourself a heaven.” ~ Unknown
Several days ago, I read what someone wrote on an Instagram post about how our roles define us. I’ve never really thought much about how I defined myself by my roles. I couldn’t seem to get it off my mind so I started looking into it. For many years, starting as a child, I tried to be something or another to please those around me. You begin to see when you’re a pleaser that people respond to that. Being a pleaser continued into adulthood and turned into trying to create perfection in my home, my body… literally everything. It’s a pretty miserable thing, because perfection isn’t achievable. My true journey into discovering who I really am started when I began this blog although looking back, I can see that the Universe was trying to get my attention before that, I just wasn’t listening. I was very unhappy and literally praying for answers. I had no idea of the difficult journey I was about to embark on, but 6 years later, I’ve never been happier. I will never come close to finding that perfection I was looking for, nor do I want to. I’ve learned to accept myself more often than not, and began searching for who I truly am at my core. I don’t believe that search ever ends…it’s a daily quest for truth. The questions that have come up are: what is my purpose, what do I have to contribute to the world…what is trying to emerge in my life.
My meditation practice has become very important to me because it is my time to be still and connect to a stillness that speaks to me when I listen. I call it Source, God, Universe. The name doesn’t really matter, what matters is that it is my sincere desire to listen and let my individual light shine. We all have that light and taking on roles that define us because we believe our light isn’t bright enough or important enough takes us down a road leading to nowhere. Embracing our true self, and letting it shine through our roles is what we should be teaching our children to strive for.
At this point in time, with social media being so prevalent, it’s easy to get derailed by societal pressures. Just saying that is a little difficult for me because social media is so important to what I do. I believe it’s a double edged sword. I’ve been able to carve out my little slice of social media that feeds my soul with a community of beautiful, caring women. But at the same time, there is always the danger of comparison…she is prettier, smarter, more skilled at something or another…I have to be very careful not to get wrapped up in that and remember to just be myself. On the days when I can truly let MY light shine, I am the happiest and I will say that I have more of those days than ever before. That is all we can strive for…
Keep reading for a few more thoughts on “the roles we play”.
What are you beyond the roles you play? We wear so many different hats every day…being a mother, a friend, a daughter, a wife, a boss lady, an entrepreneur, and so much more. I’ve witnessed myself slip into making these roles my identity, like they define me as a woman and this is what I’ve been destined to be, My mind says…“I’m a mother I should be doing/thinking this… or ”I’m a wife…I should be doing that…” Our roles give us a sense of purpose and validation.
My question is…why do we need a role to define us? Is it because roles can make us feel appreciated and admired…”the best mother”, “the best wife”, the “best employee”, etc. It seems that we can go on like this for decades until we have some kind of a life changing event (kids are grown up and leaving the house, marriage problems, unexpected career turns, even gaining 10 pounds), that wake us up to the question “what and who am I without these roles”. It doesn’t have to be that way, and it is my hope that at a younger age, girls can begin to see these roles as wonderful things, because they are…but still make space for their own identity without attaching a role to it or waiting for a crisis to begin to make changes. I do wish I had known earlier that through nurturing my own identity, I would be able to really appreciate and enjoy my “roles” while also having a self worth that wasn’t attached to anything other than “I am me and I like me”. For most of my adult life, my identity was wrapped up in being a mother and wife and while I wouldn’t trade those “roles” for anything in the world, I lost myself for many years. It did take a crisis to force me to face some very tough questions about what I wanted the rest of my life to be. Oddly enough, quarantine has really given me the opportunity to slow down and get to know myself even more.
We all need to create a space for our own identity that doesn’t have a role attached to it. Through nurturing your true identity you will appreciate and enjoy your roles while bringing your individuality to them.
Move Past Defining Yourself, and Love All of You
You are more than your body, your job, your health, or your relationship, but roles give us a sense of security because they make us feel worthy and create a façade (defined as…an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less than pleasant or credible reality) around our insecurities. The one thing in life that is certain is change and inevitably roles change as life changes and it can be hard to accept when you no longer have the “role” to identify with.
When you don’t let go and allow life to flow the way it’s going, you miss out on opportunities to grow, learn, and have new adventures.
The first step to moving past defining yourself by your roles, is to admit the truth about why you need this sense of worth in the first place and start to get to know yourself. When you own your story (like my perfectionism), even if it’s hard, you can begin to forgive yourself and others and move past those insecurities. You have worth just because you exist and you don’t need anyone else to validate you.
Each role you play has a purpose that can be a life lesson on the road to learning more about your true self. As long as you are alive, there will always be new roles to fulfill if you are open to the possibilities they represent. It’s been said that “A farewell is necessary before you can meet again” and sometimes it’s necessary to say farewell to a life defining role before you can really meet yourself.
Happy Monday everyone! Have a great day and thank you so much for reading!
My obsession with Z Supply continues…
