What is Even Going On Here...Conflicting Emotions

“The best versions of ourselves don’t come out when everything is going well - the best versions of ourselves come out in the midst of trial, because that’s where we grow. That’s where our real substance comes out. That’s where you find the person you were always meant to be - the person who was there all along.”

With our new way of living, I’m sure that we’ve all shifted in some way. What do we feel comfortable with? Is this a permanent shift? I don’t have the answers but I do know that we’ve all had to change our behaviors to fit the circumstances and that certain things in life will never be “normal” again. I don’t know about you, but the uncertainty is what is unsettling for me.

I am a hugger, I love to hug everyone, even sometimes strangers. This isn’t how I grew up, I grew up in a very reserved household, but I have evolved over the years and have been known to hug perfect strangers just because they touched my heart. However, hugging isn’t at all acceptable right now in public situations. I have certainly observed social distancing when out and about…if you can call Target, the grocery store and the garden center out and about! I suppose things could be much worse, but I miss my spontaneity and the human connection!

This is something else that’s been on my mind…if you’re single, are you dating? How are we supposed to get on with life? What would a date look like during this quarantine…would it be a Zoom date? It’s all just so very weird!

How will travel change and will it change forever? Human beings need each other and human contact is our nature. We love to socialize and gather in groups! As a society we have become used to living a global life, hopping on a plane to go anywhere at the drop of a hat. Travel is more than sight seeing, it is a change that has deep and permanent effects on the ideas of how to live. Travel enriches us because it changes the way we understand other cultures and gives insight on why people live a certain way. Any time I’ve ever come home from a trip overseas, I’ve wanted to incorporate things into my daily life that I’ve learned. I do realize that there are people in this world who aren’t even trying to understand other cultures, but I would like to think they’re in the minority, even though they do seem to get the most attention. But for those who believe inclusion in more important than exclusion, and that inherently we have more in common that we have differences, what will happen? Will people become less tolerant if they can’t travel? The advantages of travel have surely been taken for granted.

One thing for me that has grown stronger is my knowledge that home is important. Home should be a safe haven. Anytime I’ve ever been on a trip, no matter how wonderful the adventure, coming home has always been good. Finding an appreciation for what is right in front of us is one positive that hopefully will come from this quarantine. Getting used to cooking dinner every evening with better ingredients, enjoying the sounds of nature, reading a good book, making our homes comfortable and more beautiful…all of these things matter. As a society, we’ve been given no choice but to slow down and maybe that’s a good thing. Having said that, I live in a small town and haven’t been affected as much as those who live in places like New York and Boston. This fact alone, has given me an appreciation for small town living that I’ve never had before. One of my daughters lives in Boston and has been home for about 6 weeks because this is an easier place to live. This precious time with her is a gift I never would have received and I treasure each moment. Every time, I put the leash on Amos and set out down the street to visit my grandchildren, go for a walk in the park, or get a delivery from a small local farm, I feel extremely grateful.

Even though my life hasn’t changed that drastically, I’ve still found myself feeling somewhat unsettled at times. I think it comes from having conflicting emotions and a fear of what the future will bring. On the one hand, getting back to normal is something I long for, but on the other hand, it’s frightening for things to open up. I worry about the people who can’t work and feed their families and what our economy is going to do and at the same time, I see people being innovative and figuring out creative ways to get through this! The conflicting emotions are normal and I’m sure I’m not alone in having them.

Without a doubt, my morning meditations and daily walks with my daughter and Amos have helped to calm my mind, as well as a decision to limit my media consumption. All we can do is try to remain positive and take it one day at a time!

I know without a doubt that positive things that will come from this time in history, just as with any situation, and I hope that as we rush to get back to “normal”, we don’t forget the lessons we’ve learned.

How are you feeling? Are your emotions all over the place?